Freedom...sounds exciting, exhilarating. to obtained it people have died, sacrificing themselves for what they believe an act for the bigger picture, for the greater good. they died for the sake of a brighter future of the next generations.All that is true...i had a taste of freedom, in a smaller scale. freedom to do what i love, what i believe in. to materialize a dream that for so long buried deep in me, or at least that what i was lead to believe. in the end, i did nothing...ashamed is a mere words to describe it, pathetic is a small part that creating cancer towards my being...All that was true...i'm scraping whatever left in me to prove i can conquer back my own land...the vast land that have been left empty just because I felt safe and secure that it's forever would be mine. forgetting... whatever it is, that we profess its ours....if we left it empty, it will eventually become barren and then turn into nothing...All that is true...for without passion to dream and without hope to breath, we might as well end up dead and be nothing...
"freedom,they eats from the inside...sometimes..."
My hand is still shivering...
At least better compared to a moment ago when the whole body is trembling.
"God...I'm so very lucky" something high above is protecting me...I can almost feel it.
Feeling my physical being, looking around my car...How can we actually left the scene unharmed with no scratch whatsoever that can possibly mark the event that just happened, which have the ability to cause something catastrophic...I'm so relief, beyond belief!!.
I was driving back from the airport. The air is moist from the rainy morning and it is still drizzling. I was about to take an exit, when my car suddenly go crazy, I can't control it like how i used to, its swayed left and right and theres a vivid image of the barrier and the green down hill.I swerved away from it! Yet the car still moved beyond my control, like a 15 years old teenager rebelling against the parent for the first time.
Then, I hit the break and can almost feel the car was flying, as normal people would say "it was a drift"...I held the steering tight, I guess at that particular moment, universe took over...
I lost that few second of my life and then I realize my car had stopped in the middle of the road facing another direction...cars on the other side were looking and might be thinking "Why is this girl do a U-turn in the middle of a curvy highway road"...I was still in shocked, still in auto-mode, move the car closer to the barrier...looking around, is it the car? what just happened? at that moment... semi paralyzed.
I saw a silver kancil followed by a light blue oil tank coming in front of me...why is the truck is light blue? where's my phone? No!!..I have to do something.."God...help me" I cringe...then I hit the triangle thing..and ya..have to do this..*honk...*honk...*honk...until both vehicles passed by me...and I saw another one coming...*honk..*honk...
Then I saw a black SUV on the other side stopped.He was signaling something as if I'm capable of comprehending me or the situation...wheres my phone?...
The guy came down, signaling me to get out from the car , "yes! found my phone" I should go out but unable to moved my body still. I opened the door, the guy came closer, asked me what had happened and chattering about something and that I have to turn my car around. I got out from the car, pale as a ghost cause I feel no blood gushing through my brain...all of them seems to be hiding in a sacred place somewhere...
I felt cold down to my spine, he asked for the key and turn my car around.I stood still and heard he said... "Try to drive until the toll, if anything wrong, you can give me a call, here's my card." I gave him a stupid node, don't even remember a thank you...went inside the car and drove away...trembling and shaking...
I drove 70km/h all the way back to the big city, and slowed until 40km/h at every turn...my hand and the steering is vibrating still...
I remembered, he said something...
"Hey, I think your back tires all flat already..."
I replied...
"Huh, never mind la...I think still ok..."
After I reached the office, I almost thought whatever happened seems like a dream...
Then i look at the passenger seat, I saw a blue name card, with an angel name on it...
Inside me...the shivers...again...
"God, thank you for letting me play around some more"
"freedom,they eats from the inside...sometimes..." 
