Most of the time I wish I was the first...

"obviously I was the latter most the time"


Journey to the Blue Lagoon

The boat stops,I suppose its time for me to go down again,it kinds scary and I was worried, its my second attempts to snorkel without the safety thing covering my body, although the first one went well but to start the unfamiliar is something that always sent my mind into a state of anxiety, then i saw Hannah, she's a teenage a girls with brown freckles on her nose and cheek, she dive in with no hesitation whatsoever, so I fix my goggle tightly and put the fin on. Although this heart is still a bit skeptical my mind already at ease, with one hand holding breadcrumbs for the fish, wishing that they somehow are friendly or at least hungry, i dive in.

I let go of the breadcrumbs, bit by bit there this small fish with a black lining biting and eating the bread around me, I was super nervous when they start biting my hand, its like having the first kiss, every cell go numb for a while but then afterward I smile when my hand get used to the sensation, i realize the fish was very friendly or perhaps damn hungry and I was trying to touch them but this attempts failed, probably because I'm a different creature and obviously not from the sea and my eyes never learn to adjust distance in water.(my attempt to touch a turtle failed because of these also, but its a different story and to Mr turtle I'm very sorry I won't go and simply touch other creature without their permission ever again.)

This journey started from the edge of the coral reef close to a group of big stones, it's like a totally new planet altogether, and obviously I'm an alien here. The color so vivid and it is very unlikely to see that kind of contrast and brightness in something so that is nature. I was at awe, melancolic purple, brilliant apple green, electronic blue, flashy orange and bright yellow take my breath away. I was speechless (not that i can speak underwater) such a modern hues in a thousand of years creature, so I guess the color wasn't modern after all (thanks to designer's who make a big hype as if they invented techno color). Anyway this is one a hip anf trendy reef town!

Looking around life under the sea, still it was as hectic as our everyday life. There's these yellow fishes that always swam in two like a sweet young couple..they seems so romantic and lovely. Some long elongated blue fish getting together with their friends, like in 5 or 6 pax, the nemo fish is way way smaller than I ever imagine, look very shy and always hiding around this particular orange reef. Then come this whole group of brown round fish, they look like a soldier, swam together in a platoon, with such seriousness and "don't mess with us" kinda aura, yet I swam close by to them and to my surprise they shy away so quickly. I pull my head from the new world, looking around and realize that I'm halfway through, but its still early I can take my sweet time enjoying and observing the little paradise down there...

As I went further up, the coral reef began subsiding, more rocks and a lot of dying reef, feel like a cemetery, an abandoned city, I saw those skeleton of once lively reef, it make me worried and put a note to self: googled why coral reef die?. I do hope its not because of an outsider like me though its very much likely that would be the case. Although i don't really like the fact, but i am an intruder here so it make me so very cautious trying not to touch or damage anything anymore. it was a sad and sorrow scene. Looking around these dying reef that once was a busy, lively and colorful city.

Despite these, there's still a few fish, lurking around the cemetery,there's this big purple fish as big as a puppy with a splash of green on the eye, eating on a rounded almost like a giant mushroom, I can hear the sound "krup..krup..krup" as the big fish feasting upon the coral, maybe this is also one of the reason of those dying reef.The sea water was quite funny, sometimes its cold, sometimes its warm, being cold most of the time, I unconsciously stayed in the warm side and started to follow a group of white normal looking fish going around and stop to eat anything they found along the way, this particular action eventually take me further away from the Blue Lagoon.

I swam back, and a small really normal looking beach caught my attention, I don't know, but there's something calling me there, I puddle my way through the rocky beach, this particular beach is quite different, there's a lot of rocks and there's practically no sand because as I come to realize the beach is covered with corals...dead corals...At first I was scared to touch those skeleton, so I swam until almost to the beach slowly touching the underneath, scary but something feel right to me.

The beach, was warm in many many ways and I felt like being welcome in a very cosy home, its not those luxurious mansion but those places where you feel at ease, you felt belong...and I was there, sitting next to the beach as the salt water splashing my leg, it was so hot, I can still feel my skin is burning with warmth, behind me there's a shade from a rounded leaves tree, somehow i feel its offering me to sit under its shade, but I'm to reluctant to leave the heat and the sea even just for a while, so I sat there, closing my eyes, memorizing the feeling, the wind breeze softly through me, the water cooling my heated skin and the sound of the wave singing to me, feel like someone close by is breathing right beside me, and I just sat there letting myself be weightlessly hushed away to evanescence...Slowly I take a deep breath and at this particular moment i couldn't agree more with Lord Byron as he said " I love not man less, but nature more..."

Though, I'm loving this feeling, I know eventually I would have to leave, so I try my best to savor the feeling, remembering...wanting just to be there, just little while more, enjoying the moment,the air, the breeze, the water, the smell, the sound, the touch, the warmth, the care and the love that's budding inside me.I come to realize, there is nothing permanent about love, its ever changing, evolving everything around it including me...yet for moments like this, for a love like this, I would kept it in me for as long as I breath...

With a heavy heart, I bid the beach good bye. You are a sparkling star in my heart, yet you would never be mine. I swam away towards my destination, the Blue Lagoon.The beach look very modest compare to the Blue Lagoon which is way more enchanting with its translucent white sandy beach, the view was mesmerizing, crystal clear water with the sun shining, its glittering remind me of Swarovski but somehow I feel that its a bit snobbish, well with an physique like this and the people that keep coming, adoring and admiring its beauty, I couldn't possibly blame it for being cold towards me, or maybe I'm just a bit sensitive.

Walking along side the Blue Lagoon, I saw another warmth welcoming with those silly smiles on their faces, those 3 not so little mermaids waving their hands at me..A friendship that deserve another story...I wave back, trying not to look back and fathom a smile, inside it felt like a group of sea lices biting at just one spot, all at once...A pain of missing something close to this heart...but those pain will ease away as time goes by and all it'll left is a memory...The sweetest memory of a different kind.

"listening to the wave singing a soft lullaby before I sailed away"